In the Pursuit of . . .
October 2009
Frazier Coaching and Consulting
www.fraziercoaching.com

Coming Soon: Transitioning to Motherhood: a coaching support group for mothers during the first twelve months of parenthood. This group will meet twice monthly for one hour each via conference call. For more information, or to sign up to attend, contact Emily at 615-260-3883 or emily@fraziercoaching.com.

Get Real
I find some days that I am comparing myself to this idealized idea of who I am “supposed” to be. At home all day with two kids I conjure up images of the stay-at-home mom who smiles no matter how long the baby cries, who can think of no better way to spend her day than on the floor playing with dolls, and who cooks a home-made meal nightly. Or when I was at an office each day, I would find I compared myself with that perfect supervisor- the one who made decisions that never went wrong, who always picked up on employee problems before they blew up, and who could always calm an angry client. Yet, I am not quite all of those things all the time. Pictures in our mind of who we are supposed to be- whether it is the perfect spouse, the perfect employee, the perfect parent, the perfect (you fill in the blank) can create discouragement and discontent when we don’t live up to this ideal. Rather than finding happiness in what we have done or how we have spent our day, we beat ourselves up for what we didn’t do or who we are not. Perhaps it is time to redraw our mental picture from one of perfection to one based in reality. What is realistic to expect from ourselves at our job, at home, at school? No, you will probably never be all things to all people- but that’s ok. Let’s get real and focus on being good at who we are rather than beating ourselves up for who we are not.

“Every action we take, everything we do, is either a victory or defeat in the struggle to become what we want to be.”
--- Anne Byrhhe

This Is Possible
by Will Craig from www.coachingcompass.com
Where will you be in 2014? As you think about this answer, chances are you've already dropped into Possibility Thinking. This is good. One of the distinct gifts of being human is our ability to create our own destiny. Isn't it surprising how many people never accept this gift or just give it away, making someone else responsible for it. Think about what can be done in five years. Better yet, think about where you were and what you were doing in 2004. This is always fun. Look at what has changed since then. Question: What are you thinking about doing right now that might take some time to come to fruition? Are you working on a degree or new job skill? Are you considering taking a course that would require time to complete? Here's the bottom line. The future is coming and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Your goals may take some work. Worthy goals usually do. You can either take action now; accomplish these goals and enjoy the rewards -or- you can still be putting them off five years from now, because they take too long to achieve. You get to decide --right now-- where you want to be. Dream of the possibilities. Set the intention. If you could have it anyway you wanted, what would it be? What would it sound like, smell like, look like and feel like? Listen to your intuition. Breathe it in. Envision your future. Embrace the moment. Now, go out and make it happen. Make it happen for your family, make it happen for you. It's your destiny. Create it.

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Post-Natal Life Coaching

Emily is developing a specialty niche in post-natal coaching. This entails working with new parents during the first twelve months after birth or adoption. Becoming parents can create a time of overwhelm, anxiety and a sense of life being out of balance or out of control despite the excitement and happiness of adding a child to the family. Coaching can assist parents in developing realistic expectations for themselves and their infant, gain an understanding of normal infant development including colic, crying, sleeping, and eating issues, and create a safe place to explore the new identity of parent. For more details on the services offered, please visit our website www.fraziercoaching.com and look under Services.
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Finding the Courage to Change

In the Pursuit of . . .
September 2009
Frazier Coaching and Consulting
www.fraziercoaching.com

Creating Momentum for Change
Have you ever been in a situation you were unhappy with, but instead of taking action, you can be honest with yourself and admit that you mostly just grumbled and complained? Haven’t we all been there at one time or another? The job that we hate, but aren’t willing to leave. The relationship that is one-sided and drains us, but we aren’t willing to severe. The committee/organization/obligation we committed to that feels like a waste of our time, but we aren’t willing to step away from. When we find ourselves in a situation that we dread even thinking about, we can choose to feel trapped and defeated, or we can use it as an opportunity to step back, evaluate, and consciously decide what our future will look like. Honestly, this can be scary. After all, what we know (regardless of how miserable it might be making us) feels safer than what we don’t know. Here is one model for making a change.
Gleicher’s Change Formula
Dissatisfaction + Vision + First Steps > Resistance to Change
This idea suggests that we must not only be dissatisfied with where we are right now, but have a vision of a different future, and a plan of actual steps to take before we will overcome our natural resistance to change. If all three do not exist, nothing changes. In other words, just being unhappy alone is not enough to move us to action. This is the difference between the person that dreads Mondays and goes to work complaining to their co-workers about hating their job, and the person that dreads Mondays, but realizes they don’t have to stay in a bad situation and therefore creates a plan to find a new job. Six months later one person is still making everyone around them unhappy from complaining, while the second person has moved on and started a new phase of life. The difference between these two individuals is having a vision and action plan.

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life he imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
--- Henry David Thoreau

Listening to your Fear
Fear can be one of the greatest deterrents in life. Fear of the unknown -fear of failing - fear of other people–fear of not being good enough. Fear can also be healthy. If not for a healthy dose of fear, how much more daring would some children be? Fear can be that needed internal alarm telling us not to touch a hot stove or to not take a hairpin curve too fast. But fear can also step in our way when we need to try something new or stretch ourselves in new ways. My three year old took swimming lessons this summer and was afraid of putting her head under the water. Some of this fear was a healthy survival instinct-but, conversely, if she never overcame this fear, she could never learn to swim. It is times like these that we must set aside our fears (and possibly grab a hold of someone’s hand) and take the plunge. Everyday fear stops someone from becoming the full person God intended them to be: be it the person that has a dream of owning their own business but is afraid they may fail; the mother that wants to stay at home with her children but is afraid the money will be too tight; the student that wants to major in accounting but fears they are not smart enough. In my own life I can identify many times I have let fear stop me (or almost stop me) from doing what I felt a burden to do. So go ahead and acknowledge your fears, but then decide; is fear keeping me safe from harm, or is it stopping me from being all that I was meant to be.

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Challenge of the week: Complete a project you have been putting off. Perhaps the refrigerator needs cleaning out, the garage needs organizing, or you have a stack of Thank You cards that have never been finished. Set aside a designated time this week and make a commitment to yourself to finish one project you have been ignoring. Enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when you are done! ***********************************************************************

Emily Frazier is a life coach in Tennessee who specializes in working with people who are feeling overwhelmed, out of balance, or at a crossroads in life. She believes that we all have a God-given purpose, and loves helping others discover what their life’s purpose is. If you would like to talk with Emily about how she can help you in these areas, contact her today for a free consultation: emily@fraziercoaching.com

If you enjoyed this blog post and would like to subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter, please visit our website at www.fraziercoaching.com and submit your email address.

Your Personal Vision

In the Pursuit of . . .
August 2009
Frazier Coaching and Consulting
http://www.fraziercoaching.com/

Ask the Coach: Have a question for Emily? Email your questions to emily@fraziercoaching.com and type Ask the Coach in the subject line. Get creative! We look forward to hearing from you.

Personal Vision
I want to share some points I learned a few years ago on the topic of having a personal vision for your life. A personal vision gives us a focus of where we are going. Without one, we become stagnant and lose our real purpose for living. To begin, you must define your vision. Be specific- write it down, and don’t make it small. Big visions create big actions. Second, recognize that there will be barriers. It will not always be easy to remain true to the vision you have for your future. You must be willing to fight for it when times get tough. Next, love and value your vision. Recognize how precious it is to have a personal vision for your life and your future. Guard it and don’t let circumstances or others steal your vision from you. Finally, invest in your vision. And this is one of the most important points. Devote time, energy, money, and yourself into achieving your vision. Work hard to see that it comes to pass. It won’t happen without your effort. Without a plan and hard work, your vision will never be more than a wish. Many people get lost along this path and never make it to the end. For some, they never begin defining their personal vision; for others they may have known at one time what it was, but have put it aside along the way. It is a powerful thing to meet someone living their life in pursuit of the vision God has placed in them. Do you need help discovering your personal vision? Or perhaps you have stopped pursuing the vision you once had and are ready to take up the challenge again. To receive my free tip sheet, Eight Steps to Creating a Personal Vision, email me at emily@fraziercoaching.com and type vision in the subject line.

“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
--- William James, psychologist & philosopher

Moving past distractions
Lots of books, articles, and websites are devoted to helping people get things done. Whether it is time management skills, organizational tips, or ideas for prioritizing tasks, there is lots of advice and smart ideas to tap into. Here are a couple of suggestions I have found useful in my own life.
* Identify tasks to accomplish each day, but not so many that you can not complete them all. Having no concrete task to get done can leave you spending your whole day moving from project to project without finishing anything. Alternately, filling your day with a to-do list that you can never finish will leave you feeling overwhelmed and more likely to give up.
* Spend time each day on tasks, but also schedule time when you have no expectation of achieving something. No one wants to spend the whole day folding laundry. The book of Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a time for everything- we should make time for work and also for play. Be sure to allow yourself both.
* Hold yourself accountable to your plan. If you know your day gets eaten up at the computer, brainstorm ways to counterbalance this. If you find yourself lost in cyberspace when you only intended to check email for 15 minutes, set yourself a timer or create another reminder to keep yourself on track.
* Create a balanced day, with time for yourself, for others, for work, and for reflection. If this sounds impossible to do with your current schedule, begin with the first smallest step in that direction.

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Challenge of the week: Visualize yourself in one year. Where are you? Is there anything significantly different in your life? What feelings are associated with the image you saw- satisfaction, emptiness, fulfillment? What commitments do you need to make now to get there? ***********************************************************************

Emily Frazier is a life coach in Tennessee who specializes in working with people who are feeling overwhelmed, out of balance, or at a crossroads in life. She believes that we all have a God-given purpose, and loves helping others discover what their life’s purpose is. If you would like to talk with Emily about how she can help you in these areas, contact her today for a free consultation: emily@fraziercoaching.com

July Newsletter

July 2009
Frazier Coaching and Consulting
www.fraziercoaching.com

New Beginnings
A new job, new relationship, moving to a new home, or in my case a new child, can all be reasons for excitement and anticipation. Looking forward to the ‘what might be’ brings new energy to our lives. Instead of functioning on auto-pilot in our daily routine, we suddenly see the world magnified in brighter colors. A new relationship heightens our senses, and we find ourselves enjoying even mundane tasks in a new way. Starting a new job gives us reason to get excited about skills and strengths we had taken for granted at our old job. With a new beginning, a new start, we have cause to remember who we really are, what matters to us, and what brings meaning to our days. As I anticipate the arrival of my second child, I look forward to the change in routine and challenges it will bring. Because despite the challenges of starting something new, I embrace them, knowing it will also bring another level of maturity and experience that will grow me in unexpected ways. I look forward to seeing the world again with new eyes. Newness in our lives renews us and grows us. What new experiences are you looking forward to? Are you embracing these new beginnings along with the challenges and disruption you know they may bring? What do you need to do to step confidently into this new experience without hesitation?

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner!”
--- Colette

Time Management
Whether you stay at home, or leave the house each day for the office, you probably struggle with getting everything done. Finding time to accomplish all the tasks we want to can seem impossible. Here are some tips for effective time management at home:
1- Pick out the most important tasks you want to accomplish each week. Is it taking the children to the pool? Cleaning the bathrooms? Having devotional time each day? Decide what accomplishments are the most important and start with those.
2- Create a routine. Plan out your day and don’t let it just happen. Maybe you are home with a new child and don’t feel like you can control anything. But you can still control getting dressed, taking a shower, and brushing your teeth. Put some routines in place to organize your day.
3- Identify your time wasters. Do you sit down to check email and find yourself still at the computer an hour later? Do you turn on the morning news and find yourself still watching television three hours later? What eats up your time that in retrospect was probably not that important?
4- Break tasks into small increments. I learned after my first child that I could no longer just go into the kitchen and make a meal. Instead, I learned I could work on dinner in small chunks throughout the afternoon (or else eat a frozen pizza). The same goes for house cleaning or any other large task you need to accomplish.
5- Be realistic about what you are going to get done in a day. No one is superwoman (or superman) and the reality is everything cannot get done. When the day is over, are you satisfied that you worked hard, played hard, and gave attention to all the people and tasks that needed it?
Time management is just that: managing the time God has given us. We must balance the tasks we need to accomplish with the people we need to give ourselves to. If you find yourself out of balance, think about where you can manage it better. Contact me if you would like to learn more.

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Challenge of the week: Write down significant life moments. Sit down and let memories come to you. What comes back to you from over the years? How have these events molded and shaped you? ***********************************************************************

Emily Frazier is a life coach in Murfreesboro, Tennessee who specializes in working with people who are feeling overwhelmed, out of balance, or at a crossroads in life. She believes that we all have a God-given purpose, and loves helping others discover what their life’s purpose is. If you would like to talk with Emily about how she can help you in these areas, contact her today for a free consultation: emily@fraziercoaching.com

If you enjoyed this blog and would like to sign up to receive our free monthly newsletter, please visit our website at www.fraziercoaching.com and submit your email address.

June Newsletter

In the Pursuit of . . .
June 2009
Frazier Coaching and Consulting
www.fraziercoaching.com

At your best
I am at my best when the sun is shining, when I don’t have to work late, and when my husband and I are connecting. I am at my best when my child eats her dinner without a fit, when I have time to pick up the clutter around the house, and when I have a chance to connect with good friends. Being at my best is really about how I perceive my day, my week, my life. Do I feel like my job is worthwhile? Do I feel like I am doing okay as a parent? Do I feel like those that matter to me are pleased with me? Everyday won’t be my best, I know that. There are nights when my child wakes up three times and I can’t get any sleep, days at work that everything seems to explode and turn into chaos, evenings at home where my husband and I just can’t seem to get on the same page about anything. Then the challenge becomes how to move past it, get over it, leave it behind and quit worrying about it. Do I let a bad day at work affect my evening at home? Do I let the tantrums of a three-year old cause me to be short-tempered with everyone else? That is when the essence of who I am striving to be shines through. Do you find yourself at less than your best more days than you would like to admit? Are you ready to find your best self again? Are you ready to let go of some of the junk and gain a new perspective on your situation? Contact me and let’s explore this idea together. Sometimes it just takes another person, a fresh viewpoint to help you get back to where you want to be going.

“We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.”
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A life worth living
As a teenager/college student I knew I wanted to save the world – that was about as concise of a career plan as I had. It’s a pretty lofty goal to be sure- but one to be proud of nonetheless. As I moved beyond college and found that no job description included “saving the world,” I realized I would need to narrow my focus somewhat. While my goal of saving the world was a little too abstract for the job market – I discovered there were lots of directions I could go that still allowed me to feel I was contributing in a positive way to bettering the world. Robert Emmons terms this big idea a personal striving. Identifying the motivating idea behind our actions helps us verbalize the life statement we live by. For some people their personal striving might be to become rich, for others it might be for everyone to like them. Whatever it is, this belief directs us in the daily choices we make in life. If you are striving to be accepted by others, you may find yourself always busy in activities other people want you to be a part of, rather than activities that have true meaning to you. If you are striving to be rich, you may find yourself working long hours, multiple jobs, or routinely starting new business ventures. Our actions are directed by our life statements. Our lives feel congruent when our goals match our life statements. What is your personal striving? If you had to sum up the motivation behind your goals and actions, what would it be? Is it a life statement that you are proud to live by? If you find yourself in conflict between what you want your life purpose to be and what your actions say it is, maybe it is time to reflect and talk with someone about this.

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Challenge of the week: Remember your mentors. Who are the people that have influenced you and have had the greatest impact on your life? Think about what they have given you and how their example has molded you today. Tell them if you can. ***********************************************************************

Emily Frazier is a life coach who specializes in working with people who are feeling overwhelmed, out of balance, or at a crossroads in life. She believes that we all have a God-given purpose, and loves helping others discover what their life’s purpose is. If you would like to talk with Emily about how she can help you in these areas, contact her today for a free consultation: emily@fraziercoaching.com

If you enjoyed this newsletter and want to subscribe, please visit our website at www.fraziercoaching.com and submit your email address.

April Newsletter

In the Pursuit of . . .
April 2009
Frazier Coaching and Consulting
www.fraziercoaching.com

Signposts in Life
Look at my kitchen and you will know what kind of week I am having. If the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, the sink full of dirty dishes, and the countertops haven’t been wiped off in a meal or two- you will know my day has been busy and harried. My kitchen is the signpost of what I am feeling like inside. Cluttered and needing some TLC, or wiped clean, dishes put away, and good food in the refrigerator. For a lot of people their signpost will not be their kitchen- for some I know it is their laundry, others their quiet /devotional time, and for some it might be their diet. Your signpost might be one of these, or something completely different. But I bet that if you stop and think about it, you will discover your signpost - the outer thing that reflects your inner life- the red flag that waves when life is getting out of balance, when you are feeling pulled in too many directions, or when busyness and crisis takes over. Pay attention to these markers in your life. Evaluate what is causing the busyness, the unbalance, and then decide to face it head on. If needed, find someone who will help you get back on track.

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We sow our thoughts, and we reap our actions.
We sow our actions, and we reap our habits.
We sow our habits, and we reap our characters;
We sow our characters, and we reap our destiny.
-- Anonymous
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Facing Financial Fears
Franklin Roosevelt famously said there is nothing to fear but fear itself. But when you get your investment report in the mail, like I did the other day, and see that it’s lost more value than what you contributed this quarter (yet again), it’s hard not to feel like you would be better off stuffing money under the mattress. The ongoing stories of financial woes on the radio and internet can even make the most financially secure wonder if they should worry. So what to do? The first thing is to realize there is not much you can do, as far as fixing the economy goes anyway. What you can do is take an honest look at your own situation: Are you depending on this week’s paycheck to pay bills that are due? Are you buying things on credit rather than cash? OR are you putting a little bit back each month (no matter how small) for emergencies? Are you remembering there are others worse off than you and giving? We may not be able to solve the world’s finances, but we can stop living in fear, and instead embrace where we are in life, the blessings God has given us, and start being wise with each financial decision we make. Be strong enough to admit if you need help in this area, and then ask for it.

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Challenge of the week: Celebrate something small in a big way. Pay attention to an everyday accomplishment (like cleaning the kitchen or an A on your child’s spelling test) and celebrate it over the top. Look for the joys in everyday life.

Emily Frazier is a life coach who specializes in working with people who are feeling overwhelmed, out of balance, or at a crossroads in life. She believes that we all have a God-given purpose, and loves helping others discover what their life’s purpose is. Contact Emily today for a free consultation: emily@fraziercoaching.com

If you want to subscribe, please visit our website at www.fraziercoaching.com and submit your email address.

May newsletter

In the Pursuit of . . .
May 2009
Frazier Coaching and Consulting
www.fraziercoaching.com

Spring Inspiration
When the weather warms up and the birds start singing, my husband and I generally get inspired to start a big project. Like clockwork, May and June we will start repainting a room, renovating a porch, building an outbuilding, something. I think almost all of our big home projects through the years have been started when the weather is warm and we feel full of new energy and enthusiasm. The only downside is after working on that new project for a while, it loses its excitement, and we lose our momentum. Whatever endeavor we were working on gets stalled- the new siding gets almost finished but not quite; the room gets painted but the last touch up coat never quite makes it on. Sometimes I pick on my husband about our unfinished projects. But somehow it’s harder to get excited about those finishing touches than it is about starting something new. Many areas in our life can be like those home improvement projects. We are full of enthusiasm and excitement when we start, but somewhere along the way we stall out and never quite finish. Maybe it’s an unfinished college degree; perhaps a business idea that floundered; or possibly a diet and exercise routine that somehow fell to the wayside. If you’ve lost your momentum, find your inspiration again. Go back and finish those life projects you started. If you need to, work with a life coach to make it happen and, this time, see it through to the end.

“I firmly believe we can do what we set our mind to. It takes time and commitment and faith, but God is in the business of miracles. Don’t give up. You have no idea what’s ahead for you.”

--- Luci Swindoll

The Rich Life
I have a three-year old and one on the way. I see other families with two or three school age children and each of them involved in t-ball, soccer, karate, or dance. And I think- don’t you feel like you meet yourself coming and going? Each day becomes full not only of school and work, but then practices, meetings, games, and commitments. Even those without children at home can still succumb to this constant busyness- working late, volunteering, leading groups at church. Not that any of these are bad by themselves, but in all things there is a need for balance. When my bathrooms get so dirty even I hate to use them, I know it is time to slow down and take care of some things. When my husband mentions I haven’t cooked a real meal in too long to remember, I know life’s busyness has crept into our home. No one can do it all, even if they look like they can. To do one activity means not doing another. To spend time with my daughter means not hanging out on Facebook; to clean the kitchen means not watching television. Each moment of our day is a choice. We choose how to spend it and what value we place on it. Choose wisely. If you feel like everyone else is in control of your schedule except you, maybe it is time to stop and evaluate. Seek assistance if you need it to get back in control of your day and bring balance back into your schedule.

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Challenge of the week: Imagine you can have three wishes granted. What would they be? Would you wish for money, a nicer house, a better marriage, more patience? Think deeply about it and write them down. Go back and look at your list often.
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Emily Frazier is a life coach who specializes in working with people who are feeling overwhelmed, out of balance, or at a crossroads in life. She believes that we all have a God-given purpose, and loves helping others discover what their life’s purpose is. If you would like to talk with Emily about how she can help you in these areas, contact her today for a free consultation: emily@fraziercoaching.com


If you want to subscribe to this newsletter, please visit our website at www.fraziercoaching.com and submit your email address.